Get Out of the Rut - Episode # 18
Why Knowing Isn’t Enough: How to Turn Self-Help into Lasting Change
Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. Now, let me tell you this, this winter has been so tough on me. Since October, I've been sick on and off everything from cold, from stomach flu, even pneumonia, I had it for the very first time ever. And now it's mid January and I can finally say that I'm feeling healthy again.
This last month has been so exhausting for me and my family too. And what really got me thinking is how visible my illness is. Because if I am sneezing, if I am going to bed early, right? If I am just sleeping in, My husband noticed it. People noticed it. My children came to help me.
Everyone wanted to help. And it's so different from when we are suffering from mental health, right? When you're struggling mentally, all of the challenges that we go through are completely invisible. And it's so much harder for us to talk about this. We feel isolated. We feel like no one would understand, at least that's how I, I feel.
And I see a lot of my clients saying the same things, even though so many of us experience it and we know that we know that it's so common for people to have some mental struggles. We tend to think that we are the special unicorn. Those things are only happening with us.
And it breaks my heart to know that so many of you are suffering right now from this mental suffering, and it goes completely unnoticed, right? Completely unacknowledged. But here's what I just realized. Whether it's stress, it's self doubt, it's you feeling stuck in a rut, we are all carrying something.
Even the most emotionally intelligent among of us, like those self help gurus who, you know, sometimes they claim to have transcended everything. Like, they don't suffer anymore. I just don't believe in those things. We are all suffering. We all have struggles. And that's why kindness and compassion is so important.
Today, I want to talk to you about one of the biggest struggles that I see. The gap between knowing self help concepts and actually applying them to create this long lasting change because knowing isn't enough, right? And that is okay.
But when we use the knowing to blame ourselves and to put ourselves down, that's where the problem comes in for me. So let's dive in.
Here's the situation. You've read books, you've listened to podcasts, you maybe even have taken some coaching courses, right? Maybe you're even in some coaching programs, you know, the tools, you know, self help, you know, how that applies to your life.
You understand how your thoughts create your emotions and how you need to reframe that perspective that you have, right, reframe your mindset. But when it comes to actually applying what you have learned. You know, the day in and day out, it feels like something's missing. And listen, if you are a certified coach or if you are a therapist, right, those things can be so much more frustrating because we spend the whole day talking to people, telling them what, you know, they need to do to shift the mindset.
And we tend to think, well, if I can teach others, right. I should be able to do it on my own, or why can't I make this work for myself? Let me tell you, this is such a common struggle, and it's totally not your fault. The reason why it feels so hard, it's not because you don't know what to do, or because you're doing something wrong.
It's literally how your brain works. Today I want to break this down to you. We will talk about why over consuming self help content can leave you stuck. Why awareness alone isn't enough and how acceptance is the key to creating sustainable change.
And along the way, I will share why coaching can be a game changer and help you turn all this knowledge into a transformation.
So let's get started with this. I almost feel bad saying this, but many of you are addicted to self help. You binge, you know, podcasts or courses and coaching programs.
You're always thinking. If I learn one more thing, I will figure it out, right? It's like the diet. When you have that diet mentality, we keep on trying all the different diets, and the change is not in your body, right? You don't actually see the change, or sometimes you see a little bit, but it's not all there.
And then we think, oh, no, I just need to find the right program for me. I just need to find that, that thing that is missing to fill the void that I feel. But here's the truth. Consuming more information doesn't actually create the change. In fact, it can do the exact opposite. The more you learn without applying, The more you reinforce the story that you're just not good enough. You think, I know what to do, so why am I not doing? And that is what keeps you stuck.
I want you to pause and ask yourself, how much time am I spending, consuming versus practice and you're applying what I've learned, because if you're only consuming, you're not giving yourself the chance to grow. And I have been there. I can tell you, I used to have podcasts for every single day of the week, right?
On Monday, I had this and that, and then on Tuesday, I was waiting at five or six in the morning to, you know, another podcast to drop so I could listen. And then if I'm not listening to podcasts, I was listening to some type of self help book. And my idea was that if I learned so much, I'm going to be able to be such a great coach.
But it's not what you are actually doing is, again, reinforcing the idea that you're not good enough because you learn all those beautiful things. But if you're not doing it. Right? It's just showing you what is possible and how far you are from that possibility. It just doesn't help. Now let's talk about your brain.
Your brain is actually wired for efficiency. It loves routine, it loves familiarity, which makes the habits and thought patterns for decades are so ingrained.
Think of it like walking a well worn path, like in a forest, right? It's super easy for you to walk through it. It's already there, it's ready for you. So it doesn't really take any type of effort. But when you try to change that path, and you need to carve a whole new way, it's really hard, it's slow, it's uncomfortable, right, and your brain actually resists that.
This is why the instant transformation doesn't quite work. You can't rewire decades of habits overnight. Change happens gradually, and it really does have to have, that, that constant practice.
It's not about doing it all at once. It's about really taking one step at a time. Now, we don't like hearing that. We want the instant transformation. We want it to be everything done at the same time. And what I'm offering you right here is to really develop the patience, really develop the idea that it will change, but it does take time.
And the time, sometimes we see that change quite quickly, but the key for this is to solidify that change. We wanted to have the time for that change to become your new baseline. And that is what doesn't help happen overnight. And again, that's what sometimes we use to judge ourselves and blame ourselves.
Now, let me tell you where most people get stuck, right? We all stop, not we all, but many people that I see stopping at the awareness. You recognize your thought patterns, but you see what is holding you back, but then you try to skip straight to trying to fix it without pausing to accept where you are.
Acceptance is the bridge between the awareness and the change. It's saying, this is my starting point, and that is. It's not about condoning the struggles or staying stuck, right, but it is about acknowledging that this is your reality without judgment.
Without acceptance, awareness just turns into self blame. You think that I should be better now, and that shame keeps you from moving forward.
How many times I've seen coaching clients, right, trying to build their coaching business. And for whatever reason, they think that, oh, I have certified five years ago, I should be further along.
And just that thought alone, I call it sometimes the toxic thought, because we don't even notice. We think that it's coming from this, like, no, I'm so great, I should be further along. But what it does to you, it's keeping you stuck. Because now you self blame, oh, see, I should be further along and I'm not. So, therefore, there is a problem.
But when you accept where you are, you create space for growth, right? If you say that, okay, this is where I am at creating my coaching business. This is what I have. Now what? Right? You have the space to grow into it. Because now you're not trying to solve a problem that doesn't exist. You're actually here and seeing it.
The same thing goes with weight loss. When you think that your body should be different. Typically you feel terrible about this and you go out and get a piece of chocolate so you can feel better. That's how when you use the self blame, and again, sometimes it feels like love, but it's not. But we know, we know it's not love, or you feel it in your body.
Instead, if you're able to really bring this awareness, Okay, this is my body right now, this is how much I weigh. Then what? Without any type of judgment. It's like, okay, what can I do to change this, you know, situation that I find myself on? What can I do to change this body shape that I have? And then you can start to find some new ideas of what it is that you would like to be working on.
One of the most important and powerful things about coaching is that it really helps you break free from the cycle of guilt and shame. A coach can give you this safe space for you to explore your thoughts, to uncover your blind spots, and really create actionable steps that work for you. Because, you know what, coaching is not about fixing you.
I mean, you already know me. I see you as perfect, right? I don't think there's anything to fix about you because you're not broken. But we want to be helping you to see what is possible, like literally helping you to see what is possible. It's about turning that self awareness into self compassion and the self compassion into transformation.
Right? We don't have that life lasting transformation if you're going from self blame. So we need to add a little bit of the self awareness into the self compassion. And sometimes questions that I will ask would be like, you know, why are you where you are right now? And it's like, no, truly answer the question.
Why is your body the way it is? And, you know, sometimes it reasons. Pretty acceptable, like, I've given birth to twins, it makes sense my belly is not six packs, right? Simple things like that, it comes out of this whole, I can't believe I let my body go like this, I can't believe how bad I am, to a more empowering and self compassionate way of Oh, yes.
I'm a mom of three. I worked a lot. You know, in this last couple of years, I wasn't full on taking care of my body. That's my personal experience. What is that for you? So when I ask you, why are you where you are? Like you're creating your business and you can't quite make that progress that you're thinking you would have by now, ask yourself, why not?
And then you will see, oh, because I'm extremely shy and I'm trying to change that self image to being someone who feels comfortable in front of the camera. Or because I have never sold anything before and all of a sudden I need to sell myself and that is really hard to do, right? All of those things, you are changing from the blame to awareness to self compassion.
From self compassion, we can see the transformation.
If you have been stuck, I want you to know this. You don't have to figure these things out on your own, right? Having someone to guide you, to support you, to hold you accountable can make all the difference. And again, as coaches, it doesn't mean that we know everything and we can do, right, like we just have this perfect life that nothing is out of place.
The only difference between you and I is that I have been trained to know the questions to ask you so you can find that awareness yourself, right? And that's what I want you to know, that Sometimes, if you just find the awareness, you find the superficial awareness. You find the thing of, oh, yes, I am overweight.
Now what? Right? And you stop there. That is so easy to get in with the whole judgment and self blame. What I want you to start seeing is the possibility to understand in a deeper level, right? Having the awareness in such a deeper level, the acceptance just comes naturally.
Okay, I have another question for you. How much time out of your day are you consuming self help instead of applying it?
If you are doing this, if you have listened to podcasts and not really taking the time to answer these types of questions I'm askig you right now, right, that's your little red flag that maybe you're just consuming because it feels great. And instead, I really want you to start askig yourself, Every time you do something like this, if you find a video that you really liked on Instagram, like a little reel that you wanted to save, or you listen to a podcast, or you just finished a book, I really would love for you to start having the mindset of, Okay, since I learned this, what is the one small step that I can take right now to start practicing what I just learned?
Because you want to make that change. You want to start getting that transformation.
And of course, I'm here for you. So if you would like to take this work a little bit deeper, I would love to be your guide. I'd love to be your coach, your partner, so we can do this work together.
Together, we can really turn what you think, you know, to really getting that transformation, that lasting change that you have been looking for. Another example that I like using in this one, it's the idea of ski, right?
You can read all the books about ski or even driving, like if you're not into ski at all. All the books about driving. You can even read books about how to build a car, how to fix a car, how to drive a car, every single thing, but you know, you know that you don't know how to drive or you don't know how to ski because if you have read all of the ski books and they just Put you up on the top of a mountain until you go, it would be really hard for you to get down without falling.
Same thing with driving the car, right? You might know all of details about how the car works, but it's not until you sit there on the driver's seat and start driving that you will really understand like, oh, okay, I don't know this. Right? This is not the easiest thing for you to do because you haven't practiced that yet.
You just knew the theory, but the practice is very different. And again, just like skiing, just like driving a car. If you're doing this completely on your own, it would be very hard. It's so much easier to have someone walking with you and really telling you, you know, step by step of how you could apply.
Some tips and tricks to make your experience so much better. And that is exactly what the coach would do with you.
Okay. So let's do a little recap of what we talked about today. First thing, knowing is not the same as doing. If you are only thinking about what else can I learn, but you are not applying, you're not having this self transformation. I can almost guarantee that that self help consumption that you're going through, it's actually.
Really getting you more and more stuck in a rut that is not what will create the change I think that is another reason why I really do believe I'm such a great coach It's because I have gone through a lot of transformations, right? I can see 10 years ago You know that I is that person from 10 years ago is so completely different than the ties that you guys see today I really think that it's like a whole new person.
That transformation came from applying. This application helped me to see you differently, really helped me see you with more compassion, with less judgment. That's what made me such a great coach, is the transformation that I went through. And knowing how the suffering was so hard for me, like, That knowing that I have everything, but not being able to feel that happiness.
That's why I can coach you on this with so much self compassion. That's one of the best compliments. And the most thing that people say about me is that my ability to coach with compassion, because I have been there, I have done the transformation. I know how hard it is for you to get out of it.
Right. And that's why I feel competent to hold your hands and walk through this with you.
So, that's the first thing I wanted you to really get out of this podcast with. Only knowing, only reading is not enough and that can actually be very detrimental for your mental health. Really start thinking of how can I apply this in my own life.
The second thing we talked about here is that the brain biology makes it very difficult to change, right? Your brain wants to stay in the familiar. It wants you to stay where you are and not because it likes you being stuck, it's not comfortable, but very familiar, you're very familiar with the life that you have.
So your brain does not want it to change, but it's not impossible. Right? So we need to learn how to play with the brain that we do have. And that's what I also teach you how to do inside of my programs.
Another thing we learned is that acceptance is the key to bridging awareness and transformation.
If you're aware of something, and I always say that. Every problem has a solution. Actually, when you find the problem, I ask you to hold the tie, right? Like, be really happy and create more and more awareness about that problem. Because knowing what the problem actually is, you can find the solution.
When you're clear about the problem, you can find a very clear solution. And that's is not what creates the transformation. What creates the transformation is the Acceptance. I say that acceptance is the second step. The first one is awareness.
But without acceptance, you can't change. And that is a work that we really need to do carefully because it's very easy for you to use acceptance as a way to self blame. Or even sometimes you don't want to accept because you think that by accepting it, you're condoning the behavior that you didn't want to have in the first place.
But that's not what it is. Right? And it is the key for you to have the lifetime transformation that you're looking for.
In coaching this relationship that we create through coaching is what helps you turn that guilt into growth and that self awareness into action. Right? We need to have this back and forth questioning so you can see what you're capable of creating. And that goes with everything, that goes with creating the body you want, the business you want, the marriage you want, the life you want, right?
We need to have this brainstorming for you to see what is possible for you. Now, remember, change does not happen overnight. It's slow, it's intentional, it's deeply personal, but you need to give yourself permission to take one step at a time.
You are very capable of growing, you are capable of creating whatever it is you truly desire but if you are thinking thinking that you need to learn a little bit more before you have the transformation or if you're actually using all this information that you are gathering to self blame, to say why this means you're not enough, you really need to use that as a little red flag. I really start paying attention that maybe that is not the best way for you to live your life.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope you could take something out of this to really improve your life. If nothing else, at least awareness, right? At least pay a little extra attention to what you are doing with your own life and why you are stuck in the rut in the first place. Okay. My sweet friends next week, I have a great episode already prepared for you.
I cannot wait to share and I will see you soon. Love you. Bye-bye.
Hey guys, I have a brand new masterclass prepared only for you. Are you presented on February 5th at 11:00 AM Eastern Time, and I would love to have you there if you feel like you're stuck in the rut and you're a little bit not sure what you should be doing next. I would love to walk you through my framework and how I work on this because I know it will transform your life too.
So I will see you on Wednesday, February 5th at 11 a. m. Eastern time. Go to my website, www. thaisglencoaching. com and you can sign up to get the link. I will see you then. Bye bye.
