Get Out of the Rut - Episode # 12
The Judgment of "Just do It"
Hey you guys, welcome back to the podcast. I'm so excited you are here and I'm so excited to share with you one more episode.
Today, I have been thinking even more than I did before about this topic because not only that it happened to me a few times. But also I have seen with some clients and the need to sometimes just simplify the whole situation they're going through with the words, just do it.
I mean, it can be just so easy. If you want to go, just do it. If you want to lose weight, just do it. You want to start running, just do it. You want to build your business and post on social media, just do it. But I personally think this is the worst advice someone can give you. And throughout this episode, I will explain to you why I think this way.
And I don't care necessarily that you change your mind, but I just want you to start seeing it with the different lenses like see it differently and see how it feels to you because every single time I have seen someone telling themselves to just do it, it's not coming from a place of love or from a place of excitement and motivation.
It's more of that really tricky self judgment where we're just saying just do it. And that almost translates as You're not doing this because something is wrong with you, or you're not doing this because you're just lazy and you're not motivated enough. And I personally don't think this is a good way for you to achieve any type of goal.
If you know me for any extent of time you know that I'm really big on setting big goals, but not because you want to achieve the goals. It's that person that you become in the process of achieving the goal. That self image that you create, that future self ideal that you have that you start to live up to, so it's not necessarily achieving the goal.
So just do it means just go there and achieve the goal. And you miss out on the process of becoming someone new, someone that it's you're very proud of someone that you want to be, like the self image of the future self that you have the idea and you're creating in your life as you are in the process of achieving the goal.
So last week I was being coached on my business and I have this project that I'm working on. I've been working on this project for quite some time. And this life coach, she looked at me and was like, why don't you just do it? And as soon as she said that my heart just skipped a little bit.
Like I was a little bit shocked and I was like, Oh, I felt judged. I didn't feel safe on the coaching call. And at the same second, I realized why I get so upset when I hear those words from other people too. And for myself, to tell you the truth, I would say this to myself quite a bit. Like, just do it. You're being lazy. Just do it. Why don't you go run in the morning? Just do it. It's so easy. You like it.
The problem with this is that it feels quite sporty. We hear like this slogan from Nike, just do it. You miss the opportunity to creating a better connection with yourself.
So I personally think that when a coach just goes down there to just do it, or why don't you just do it? I feel like it's lazy coaching. I feel like that coach is really missing out the opportunity to go a little bit deeper in someone else's issues or someone's limiting beliefs or understanding why that person is not doing what they want to do. So it's almost like a shortcut. You just ask the client to just do it. I don't find that helpful.
So let me tell you a little bit why. Okay. I have a few reasons that I would like to share with you why I think that saying just do it either to yourself or to a client is one of the worst Advices you can give someone.
First of all, when you hear those words, just do it. You rarely feel that rush of motivation or determination like coming through your body, especially if you haven't taken the action before, because you're afraid of the commitment or you're afraid of that unconscious, maybe even like a little trauma that you've had before.
And when you're unconscious of it, you don't know that is there holding you back. And when someone says, just do it, you miss out the opportunity to really understand what is happening. So you don't feel that determination, that motivation. What do you feel instead? Typically you feel the need to freeze.
And that is a trauma response. It's you staying stuck in a situation. So that is why a lot of times with, I don't call it big goals, but building your business or losing weight. Like those are the two big ones that I hear all the time. When you say to yourself, why don't you just lose weight?
Just do it. Just eat less, just eat salads, just go, I don't know, whatever fade diet that you're thinking of joining. You most likely you just freeze. Most likely when we hear that just do it, you don't do anything. It's not like you go out there and you start doing it, you just freeze. And that is a response from your body when it's not feeling safe.
And I have noticed with myself and with many, many clients, not only my clients, but coaching clients that I'm watching. I hear it a lot. Whenever those words either from the clients or the coach comes up, just do it. It freezes. It stops making the progress most likely because the thought of just do it comes from the idea of judgment.
Like the mindset, the umbrella, I call it the umbrella on you. It's that very judgmental. And it's not coming from love. It's definitely coming more of that fear response that it's you're not feeling that determination and motivation.
Another reason, and I already talked a little bit about this is because you really missed the chance to understand why you are not doing the first place. And how many times have you labeled yourself or have you heard of the labels where like procrastination, perfectionism, you're blaming those labels as the reason why you are not doing the things.
And your brain understands that the reason why you don't do it is because you're a procrastinator and the procrastination is the result of something else, not the cause. And this is a big point because a lot of times we're trying to treat the procrastination or treat the perfectionism thinking that is the problem. But it's the problem is actually underneath the procrastination. Procrastination is the result of something else. And typically it's the fear is that in the anxiety, it's something else that's coming up and the procrastination shows up as the actual problem.
The key here is to understand why you're feeling anxious in the first place. Why are you afraid? And when you say just do it would solve the procrastination problem, but not in the longterm because the root of the procrastination is still there is the fear is the anxiety.
So again, understanding why, and I'm not talking about spending many months trying to understand, like the childhood trauma that has happened with you when you're a newborn, that's not what I'm saying. But just saying that, get over yourself and do it. It's not the answer. Or I don't just do it because I'm such a procrastinator. It's not the answer either.
Because there's a reason why you're procrastinating. And that's where we kind of need to solve. That's where the coaching would be, is that one step behind the label that we put on ourselves. And perfectionism is the same thing. I always call the procrastination and perfectionism, the cousins. But they're always together and they're not healthy for each other. It's like that really messed up relationship that most women I know have a relationship with the perfectionism and procrastination.
One more reason that I would give you why I don't think the idea of just do it would work for you is because when we're doing that, we're relying on a willpower. We're really telling you that I need to push through. I need to use the willpower to achieve the things that I want.
Now, truthfully, I actually do believe the willpower can be very helpful in many ways, but it typically does not last in the longterm, but you can push through too long, you can push through because eventually you feel the need and the pressure to stop the pushing through can be helpful for every now and then.
And the just do it can be very helpful every now and then the problem is when we're trying to push through to achieve a whole goal, just with this willpower in mind. If I push through one more day, I can run at five in the morning, or if I push through again, I can just do it, just eat better. But what you don't understand is that it's not changing the identity of what type of person you are, if you're pushing through to just recap of tomorrow morning, just do it one more time, that is one event that you are getting your checking the box you are getting it ready, but you're not changing your identity of a woman who loves to run at five in the morning.
Or it's the same thing with your business. When you push through to do one post and just one post, just do it. You have to post one time on social media. That's what you achieve. And then you don't post again for another three months until you push through one more time. The key of this work is not to keep on pushing through.
And that's why the just do it doesn't work. What do you really want to understand it? First of all, it's the reason why you're not posting or the reason why you're not running from this place. You get to make choices. You get to understand of, Oh, if this is really what I want, how can I shift my identity to become a woman who really enjoys doing those types of tasks.
Because that's important to you. If you decide that it is important to you, a lot of times you will decide that you actually didn't want to do this in the first place. You're just following somebody else's expectations, somebody else's ideas of what you should do with your body or your business. So you see why it's so important for us to understand that reason behind the why behind the just do it. You might not even want to just do it anyways. But you don't know if you're just pushing through at all times.
The last thing I have for you about my biggest problem with just do it is the lack of empathy. I have seen clients and myself, especially before this work that had very, very small levels of self empathy.
We just try to be so harsh thinking that is the way to achieve goals. If I am nice to myself, I would just lay down the couch and do nothing. And that is so far from reality. Actually, when I start being very nice to myself, that's when I start achieving goals because I even allow myself to dream. I allowed myself to have goals in the first place that comes from empathy.
And if someone is telling you, or if you were telling yourself to just do it, can you feel how dismissive that is? Can you feel how arrogant that is? I have never seen this phrase, just do it, create a sense of motivation or determination. I always feel like that dismissiveness, like what you were going through is not important enough and you should just push through, you should just do it because the reasons why you are not doing it, it's just not important enough.
Now, when we work so hard in a coaching container to achieve that level of empathy and you hear the what I call a dismissiveness thought that just do it, it's hard to find that trust again, trust with yourself, or even trust with the coach.
So what to do instead of this. I have a few points that I would like to share with you instead of just, Same to yourself or same to your clients, just do it.
Here's what you could do instead. Number one is understand why you are not doing it. We kind of touched that a little bit before, but you don't have to spend much time trying to understand the root cause of your procrastination. But it will help when you create some more awareness. From awareness, you can choose to accept, or you can choose to keep fighting.
You thinking that what you're doing is wrong. It's what makes it even hard for you to take actions. So understand the cause of your procrastination. Is it something that you really don't want to do? Or it's because you actually get a lot of excitement and it's almost like this addiction to dopamine hit that you get when you finish the task in the last minute.
Like you just, your body enjoys it. And in some ways you get this identity of I am a woman who can't finish things in the very last minute. Their identity has been carrying you for so long that now it's so hard for you to let go of procrastination because it has served you so well.
When you understand that is the cause and not because you're a lazy creep that never does what you say you're going to do, when you understand the actual reason and you create this awareness, you get to choose. It's like, do I want to keep this identity because it has served me so well, or it's time for me to change it and see myself in a different way because I want to be acting in a different way.
You don't get that choice unless you are aware of it. So really pay attention to why you are not doing the tasks in the first place that your brain gives you the idea of just do it.
Another thing that you can do is to ask yourself if this is something that you really want to do understand that do you really? And why is it because you want it or it's external pressures going or internal pressures telling you that you have to do something. Pay attention to that.
Another thing that you can do is to allow yourself to decide if this is something worth pursuing or not, without any judgment.
Ask where the judgment is coming from. Before I started coaching, I was doing photography for a very long time. And I had this studio at my house and I was doing newborn photography. And it was just something that I really enjoyed working with until COVID hit and I couldn't have the newborns in my house anymore.
I didn't feel comfortable photographing families, especially with the little babies. And I had to understand if it's like, do I just need to do it anyways? Just push through and, or is it okay for me to not do it anymore? Is it okay for me to stop pursuing that dream? Is it okay for me to have a different dream?
And I felt very judged and I thought that the judgment was coming from my husband or my photographer friends. And it turns out that most of the judgment was just coming from me. So I was trying to push through with a goal that wasn't even mine in the first place. But when I stopped, no one else cared either.
So it was good for me to see it like this. Just do it. Just keep on working on something. I was pursuing a dream that wasn't even mine. So pay attention to those things. Allow yourself to decide if that is something that you want to pursue.
If you want to lose weight, if you want to build your business, is that something that you want it and why? And if not what is your brain telling you that you don't want to pursue it anymore, but in some ways you think you should, okay, be onto yourself right there.
And the last thing that I would share with you here is that from this awareness that you were creating, now you have this power to choose, I would invite you to really do this What I call a weekly meeting with yourself and I will talk more about this later on in future podcasts, but it's a longer self coaching session that you have with you.
I personally love doing self coaching every single day, especially when I first wake up in the morning. I like to do a session of self coaching where I just journal a little bit or I go out for a walk. I take my dog for a little walk and I think, sometimes my self coaching is just in the shower. As I'm taking a shower, just allow my brain to think through everything that it might be causing anxiety or causing worrisome or something that it's not like that, that normal, natural, happy baseline for me.
And I allow myself to understand what those thoughts are creating, but once a week, I have a much longer self coaching session with myself where I really get to answer a lot of questions to give me some more clarity in the answers that I have. And some of those is to understand why I'm not doing things that I think I want to do.
So I invite you to have a full hour, sometimes two hour session on a weekly basis where we can sit down and really understand what is happening. And I give you the three questions that I ask every single day, but especially where I go really deep, it's every single week is the questions of what worked, what didn't work, what would I do differently?
So look back in a week, my sessions this longer evaluation session that I have with myself. I do it on a Friday morning, sometimes on a Saturday morning. And I really ask, look back on my week and see what worked. What did I do? That was really great. And what did I do or what didn't they do?
I would look back and I see what worked. What worked on my week? Well, things that I'm very proud of, and then I will look again and say, what didn't work, what are the things that I did that that wasn't maybe the best choice, or it wasn't really driving me towards my goal, or maybe I could have shown up a little bit better.
And then I can ask, what can I do differently for the next week? I have this idea because on a weekly basis, I'm evaluating my life. On a weekly basis, I'm really seeing how things are happening. And I can see that a lot of tasks that I have on my calendar, that I would be just do it.
I would be saying to myself, you just have to do it. And yes, sometimes I do need to push through, but sometimes there's something a little bit deeper that if I have the time or if I allow myself the time to understand and ask those questions that I asked you earlier on, I can create more awareness and then have the power to decide if those tasks are things worth pursuing. Or maybe I just need to let it go. Maybe it's just not for me at all.
So if you have a goal or if you have a task or if you have something in your life that you have wanted for a long time, but you haven't done yet. I can guarantee that your body is screaming to let your brain understand why and what it's happening within and allow your body those longer coaching sessions that I have with myself, it's my way to allow my body to have a voice.
It's a way that I allow my body to have the self compassion of allowing time to be heard, allow time to understand what is happening within. And this is how I develop a closer and deeper relationship with myself. Because if I just keep on pushing through everything that I have to do. I will put myself last.
I know that. I know that if I'm just, Oh, you just need to record another podcast. You just need to record this other class. You just have to take your kid to baseball. You just have, you miss out the chance to really have a deeper relationship with yourself, and really understand what you need, what does your body need? What does your body want?
And I would invite you to allow the time in your week to really get this time together with yourself, with your journal, and just listen to what your body has to say to you.
I hope this was helpful and I will talk to you a little bit more later on about this cause that I have with myself, because I find it extremely helpful.
I really do believe that my life has changed after I started evaluating how I'm living. And I really do feel, I know it sounds so cheesy, but it's like this Evolution like when you start this process of evolution in your own life, where you change, you literally can see that you're not just living by default, but you're really creating the life you want and it's on purpose.
And that happens deliberately because you're asking those questions. Like, what am I doing right here in your relationship? Even if you ask right now, the relationship with your children or relationship with your husband or with your mother in law, just ask this three simple questions.
What did I do that worked really well? What didn't work so well? What could I do differently? Just this three questions will completely evolve your relationship with those people. I can guarantee that.
And if you would like some help doing this process with a coach, I'm here to help you as always. I love you and I'm so grateful that you are here in this journey with me. And again, that you are in my world. Thank you so much. And I will see you next week.
