Get Out of the Rut - Episode # 9
Overcome Excuses
Hey guys. Okay. I am actually pretty close to living to London. I am taking my kids to vacation with my husband and we are so excited. My two little girls, my twins, they are doing this project at school about Jane Goodall. And Queen Elizabeth, it's like this kind of a wax museum kind of thing. And they both got this to people that it's from London, from England.
And we decided to go there and explore with them during this spring break. And you're so excited. So I'm leaving in a couple of hours. When you listen to this episode, I will most likely be back already, but I am, super pumped to do this. And as I was preparing to this podcast, This is actually a class that I taught, like the same model class that I taught a while back inside of the Building Business Boutique.
And I thought it would be fun to share with you guys because a lot of times we have goals. We decided that we'll want to create something or change something. And we decided to, especially in the first of the year. Like the December 25th, 27th, we started deciding what is our new year resolution.
And we are very excited about what we want to create. And we, most likely decide to lose weight. That is the biggest thing that I see women, set as a goal and or make more money or build the business or build something, whatever it is that we decide to do typically what happens is that we get very excited.
We really see that we are capable of doing it. And before you forget the goal by the end of January, we are thinking of how could I possibly do this? And then the limiting beliefs is like little tiny unconscious thoughts start to drop in and we see all the obstacles that we might have to achieve this goal.
So again I'm talking about before we even give up on the goal, right? If it's Southern New Year resolution, it's something that you might be working on right now. And I just wanted to start paying attention to one specific word that we use that will help you catch your limiting beliefs. And the word is but.
Right. Not, but, but it's B U T, but, and I always joke about this cause my kids would be like all over this, like, well, I just said a bad word. It's like, it's not a bad word, dude. Anyways, the, but it's such a great word for you to start noticing your own limiting beliefs.
Say it to yourself right now. Like, what is that goal that you're working? What is the one specific thing that you want to achieve by the end of the year? Or, you know, the end of the month. And then observe your brain throwing in the words, but all of the time, and just keep in the back of your mind that is typically an excuse.
And the dictionary defines an excuse as a self justification, a defense of some offense, behavior, or some failure to keep a promise. That's an excuse.
We have this goal. We have this thing that we really want to accomplish. Let's use the weight loss as an example. It's let's say that you want to lose 30 pounds by the beginning of the summer. You have three months to lose 30 pounds. And The first thing is like, Oh yes, I can really do this if I, and then you have all those ideas of where like the steps that you would need to take to lose this weight.
Cause you all know how to lose weight, right? Seriously. It's not rocket science. And then the buds come in. Right, but I really want to eat some extra ice cream this spring. It's so good, but I don't think I'm consistent enough, but I don't have the motivation to keep on doing. You see, all of those buts are just limiting beliefs that you have.
And typically it matches with your self image. It matches with what do you believe about yourself? So consistency is a great example, right? Or I don't have the motivation. That is because you're believing in yourself as a woman who can be consistent in something that you put your mind to. And you might have a lot of evidence in your past as to why you can do it.
But with coaching, what we teach you is that you want to be looking at the future. Yes. Who cares if you have never lost weight before? What is not true, right? I'm sure. You have lost some weight in the past, but when you look in their future and you start to create a new identity of a woman who can lose this weight or a woman who is very strong, who eats really well, who loves vegetables, who enjoys eating a salad, even when everybody else is eating dessert for lunch, right?
When you start to shift the identity of who you truly are now, you can actually, like, you just put the butts to rest. You're not so tight to that excuse anymore, but it is, it has a lot to do with your own identity.
This little thought, right? The buts are simply what you use to self justify why you are not living the life you truly desire. Think about that end result that you really want. What is that one thing that you really care for? Right? The but it's how you self justify why you're not doing this.
So why don't you have the body that you want, or why don't you have the business that you want? You notice all the thoughts that comes because of that, but, but if you're honest with yourself, you see that these excuses are just not true. Not true reasons why you can't have that.
That's where coaching comes in. That's when you really start to decide what are the thoughts that you want to keep and what are the thoughts that you want to shift and truly what are the thoughts that you want to reframe and just go with it. Give it up for good, but if you don't have this knowledge of how to capture those thoughts, it's really hard for you to change the identity.
Because at the end of the day, you don't even notice that you are not really holding on to the identity of a woman who can achieve those goals that you want to achieve. So let me give you a few buts that is very common to use.
Okay, the very first one. But it's too hard, right? And how many times you decide on a goal and you really want to do that one thing, and that's the first thing that comes up to you, but it's too hard.
You got to ask some question there. Is that really too hard? How would you know? Have you done it? So how do you know it is really hard? A lot of times you have the impression that it's hard just because you create the drama in your mind. We think it will be hard. A good example, for me at least, I used to say that it's too hard to eat salad for lunch.
I thought that was like, would never work for me. And it's like, how would I know that that would never work? Have you tried? It's like, no. It's like, Hmm, what if I try two or three salads that I really like? And those are my go to salads for lunch. As soon as I did it, everything became so much easier because now I knew what I would have for lunch every single day, right?
It's just a salad with some protein. It became easier, but because I decided that maybe it's not even that I decided. I decided to question if that belief was hard, was truly hard. It wasn't. Yeah. You need to remember that you have made through the so called hard things before you have done things that are very hard for you and you did it anyways, you need to constantly remind yourself that you are capable of doing those things.
Remember that when you were saying this, BUT's you're giving yourself this illusion that what you want, it's not possible. So it's much easier to just avoid doing it. It's so much easier for you to look at a task that you really want to accomplish and say, Oh, that's too hard. And just not do it. And you can just avoid this whole uncomfortableness that you have to do this to achieve your goals.
The second but that I have for you is that, but it's too risky, right?
Now it's only risky when you have a goal like this, it's only risky when you don't have a solid plan. To stop with that, the thought that you have this idea that something, some goal that you want is too risky. That happens a lot with businesses. When I see clients building their business and I see it with myself too, right?
There are things that we feel like is too risky, like showing up on social media or posting something on your personal Facebook account. It's like, Oh, but that is so risky. They might judge me. It's like, no, so let's have a really good set up. plan Let's really notice what I want to say and be deliberate of how I will express my message.
And that brings so much more confidence. Now, you know, that it's not as risky or when you hire a coach or when you hire, like a business strategist. When I hired my very first business strategist, I was so nervous of spending that much money. I was using this, but it's too risky for months before I made the decision to actually invest in her and invest in my business, because it was hard for me to believe that would be okay.
But when you notice the thoughts that's coming up to you, it's too risky and you really dissect the thoughts. You might understand that that is not even that risky, or it is a risk that you are willing to take so you can go to the next level.
Another thought that I see a lot with my clients, another but is that, but it will take too long.
And again, I know I always use the example of weight loss and building a business, but they're both so similar, right? It's the same thing when you want to lose your weight and you say, Oh, but it will take so long. I mean, if I need to lose 80 pounds, that will take like, That is a thought that is not serving you, it's a thought that is just keeping you from taking the action to actually have that body that you want, that losing that much weight that you desire.
And remember this, it takes so long. It has very little to do with the time on the clock, right? The time that passes the day by day, that's not what it's taking too long. What it feels that takes so long is because you're so overwhelmed most of the time. You feel so much pressure as you're going through this weight loss or building your business, right?
It's so hard for you to do that, that it's better for you to not even try. And then you just use this excuse as, Oh, you will take too long. Like, I just can't take that. I had one specific client, she wanted to go to law school and that was one of the things that she says like, Oh, but it would take so long for me to become a lawyer.
I mean, I have little kids who just take years and years and years. I was like, but that is your dream. And those years will come by no matter what. The years and years, the 10 years will come by. Wouldn't it be so much nicer 10 years from now? You can say, Hey, look, I passed the bar. I'm a lawyer.
Or for you to pass this 10 years and say, Oh, I wish I had done this 10 years ago. It's the same thing. The time is the same. But when you are going through that time with these excuses and with this overwhelm and Holding on to a dream that you just, you want to do it. You want to accomplish, but you're not willing to put in the work.
That's what makes it so much harder. It feels like it takes so much longer. So just remember it's. Sometimes it's the fear of commitment. It's not the fear of time, but when you hear the word, but it would take so long, it feels so real and it feels like there's nothing you can do to really get out of here.
Okay. The last but that I offer you is that, but it's overwhelming. It's overwhelming. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's because you're thinking too big. Just remember that. When you see like that big picture and you see everything that needs to be done, it's very normal for you to feel this overwhelmed.
So building a business, Oh, but it's so overwhelming. I can't even. I don't even know how to post on social media, right? Because you're not seeing as, Oh, I can actually sit down and post one thing on social media. No, you're seeing the whole thing. One of my daughters, she has a lot of anxiety and a couple of weeks ago, we were at a baseball practice. She's really good at baseball. And she was very nervous and she's like, Oh mom, I can't pitch. I'm just not good at it. It's like, well, of course you're not good at it.
You just started, right? And she was feeling all this overwhelm. She like, just, I can't go there in bed. Like, okay, can you just get your gloves on? And she's like, yes, I can do that. And then she put her gloves on. Like, okay, now can we just stand up? We're sitting down. Let's just stand up. It's like, oh, but I can't pitch.
It's like, no, I understand you can't pitch, but we just need to stand up. Can you do that? It's like, yes. Like, okay, now let's walk close to the line. And it's just like, but I can't pitch. It's like, I know you can't, but we are not focused on the pitching just yet. You're just walking, and we did this whole thing and then we were standing in line and then we waited for the other person and right until it was her turn.
And she's like, but I can't do it. It's like, I understand. But right now the only thing you need to focus on, it's holding the ball. And she held the ball. And now the only thing you have to focus on is just throwing the ball and she threw the ball. And at the end, it was like. You're a pitcher, you just pitch your first ball.
She's like, Oh, I can do that. It's like, I know you can. I totally know you could. Right. But you see when she was sitting down crying on the back of the line, she couldn't even bear to think that she was capable of doing something. She couldn't even get herself to stand up because when you see the big picture all the time, it might feel very overwhelming,
so I suggest that whenever you're feeling this overwhelming, whenever you see the but it's overwhelming and to just stop for a little bit again, if you hear the word, but you already know that it's an excuse, like, you know, that that is not realistic most times.
Now, just think of the very next step you need to take.
What is that one thing, only one that you need to do to get closer to your goal. And when your brain tells you, Oh, but that doesn't matter. You won't even make a difference. Just remember this little story. I just told you with my daughter. She in less than five minutes, she was able to do that pitching where she didn't even think she was capable of doing.
She really thought that that was too hard for her. So you do need to be, you might not have your mom there holding your hand, you know, every single step of the way, but it's that brain management, the thoughts management for you to really see that your brain is throwing in all these thoughts and for you to be like, okay.
I just need to focus on my very next step. What is it that I need to do? So again, if it's the weight loss, your goal, and you feel overwhelmed thinking that, Oh, but I need to lose 80 pounds. And this is so hard for me. Just think of this one thing you need to do today. So for today, maybe it's only drinking more water.
One glass. Can you drink one extra glass of water today? That's all, right? Can you go for one walk and you might say, Oh, but I don't have time, but this is so hard. I'm working the whole day. Okay. Okay. Can you go outside for two minutes and come back inside? Those little time steps that you're doing, it start to change how you see yourself.
It's like, Oh, okay. So I am a woman who can try to lose weight, or I am a woman who can walk more often than she used to, right? You start changing how you see yourself. And then all of a sudden, Like Miracle, you're this woman who's eating what you want to eat and you're exercising the way you want to exercise, right?
But when our stamp is too big, we fall into this overwhelm. And I want to remind you the, but it's too overwhelming is a thought we, a lot of times you feel like the overwhelming your bodies, right? Like, and you feel the feeling of overwhelm, but also you want you to think of the thought of I am overwhelmed and what that does to your body.
Okay, so let me just give you three little solutions or steps that can help you make more time when you're thinking of this, I'm too overwhelmed or I don't have enough time.
By the very first thing, organize your life to free up some time. It's crazy to me how so many people don't use any type of calendar at all calendaring or planner, right?
It's just like, look at your day, even if you don't have a job, even if you don't have like things that you have to do all the time, like you don't have the set schedule, create something for yourself, free up some time, organize your day, the way you can see where you have extra time.
Notice what you're doing that is just not important. Right. It's like this less important activities that you're wasting your time. And sometimes it's pretty easy and fast for you to just not do some of those tasks that you have in your calendar. But the main thing I want you to notice when you're looking to make more time or looking to not feel as overwhelmed is to change your perspective, like really changing how you're seeing the world the things that you have to do or the projects that you're working on right now, try to reframe it, seeing a different light that will help you so much to create a more fulfilling and less overwhelming life. And remember, we are all guilty of using those BUT's right? We all suffer the consequences. We know, like every single person I know, use the BUT's as an excuse.
But remember too that is one way that's keeping you from living the life that you really want.
Okay. So just to finish this episode for today, here's what I would love for you to do. Start noticing what are you saying but to? Right. The goal is for you to start saying no to your buts. Pay attention where are you saying things like, but it's too hard, but it would take too long, but I don't have time, but it's too risky, but it's too overwhelming, right?
Or pick up all the other buts that you know are excuses, but those are the ones that I use the most, right? Like, but it's going to take too long, so I might as well not even do it. Just observe those things. Write down when you were saying those things to, so if it is to lose weight and you think, oh, but it's too hard or, oh, it's going to take so long. Oh, but I will suffer through this whole time. Oh, but I don't like doing it. All those things, all those thoughts that come after the buds are excuses. And the way for you to stop using those excuses is for you to first of all, of course, Be aware of the excuse you're using. And then I would suggest you to, for each one of those thoughts that you pick, choose a better feeling thought. Like, how do you want to think about it?
So for losing weight, Oh, but it's too hard. What do you want to answer to your brain when you say that to yourself? So it could be something like, yes, it is too hard and I can do it. Or it's possible that it wouldn't be so hard. Or it's possible that it won't take too long. It's possible that I will enjoy it, right? When you think that it's, you, it's miserable and you don't want to do it. It's possible I would enjoy it. Or you can even say, I might enjoy this. I want to enjoy those tasks. It's too risky. And you can say, and I know I can trust myself. Or really observe, is it risky?
Is it really risky? So write those things down in your journal, just so you can be more aware of what it is that you were telling yourself to not have the life you want to have. Like what are the buts holding you back from? That's, I find it a very interesting exercise for you to do. And again learning how to catch and observe those limiting beliefs and shifting the way you see it so it doesn't really need to hold you back.
Okay, my friends. I am off to my trip and I will see you next week. I can't wait to tell you how the trip went. I will see you next week then. I love you all and have a phenomenal week. Okay, bye.
